When life gives you lemons
Hello, world. You’re scary.
It’s happening again. This time, I don’t know why. I thought we’d made great strides towards body positivity, so it can’t be that, surely?1 Granted, I work in the media, but it’s not like I’m writing about diet tips or dropping a dress size overnight. The last two occurrences reeked of that age-old anorexic cliché, CONTROL, but what gives? I don’t need control. I’m totally in control.
(I said that last time.)
(And the time before.)
Perhaps it’s this: I am so excited by the future until I’m terrified of it, and for whatever reason, consciously or otherwise, my brain has once again decided to press pause, pump the brakes, watch life from the sidelines for a bit. The future is just as scary as it was when I was seventeen, which is either fitting or ironic because to seventeen-year-old me, this is the future. That seventeen-year-old girl, she didn’t die of malnutrition; she just lived long enough to see the cycle repeat itself again. And again.
If that all sounds like a bit of a buzzkill, it’s because eating disorders are just that. I’m not here to glamorise the situation I’m in. I’m certainly not here to brag about it. It’s just so all-encompassing; I was sitting at my laptop agonising over my niche, my brand, my authorly voice, wondering what the hell I could say about anything when all I can think about is food and numbers and oh, wait, there it is. There’s my niche.
When life gives you lemons, Google the calories and start a blog about it.
Reader discretion advised.
If you need help
Always seek medical advice in an emergency. In the UK, you can call NHS 111 option 2 for mental health support. Find a list of helplines around the world here.
/s